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LONG SHOT, HIGH ANGLE: A rain-slick, the wall, some of them dusty
winding mountain road at sunset. A with plaster, others bloodied. The
Ford truck takes the turns, fast Verizon guy screams into his phone,
and confident. A hand in a driving but no sound issues from his lips.
glove holds a frosty mug of
Budweiser out the window. The rays
of the setting sun angle through
the glass and refract into an
American flag.
ROOMMATE #2
(in shock, into phone) I
can’t hear you now. My God, I
can’t hear you now.
INT. TRUCK: A sunglasses-wearing
dog is at the wheel, Heidi Klum at
his side, wearing a baby-doll T with
the Victoria’s Secret logo. She
begins to pull it over her head. The door flies open to reveal
Captain Morgan, the Burger King,
DOG and the Geico caveman. The
(approvingly) RRRRww— weeping caveman is holding the
broken body of the Geico gecko.
ROOMMATE #1
The neighbors are gonna be
pissed.
ANGLE ON KLUM, who finishes removing
the Victoria’s Secret T to reveal
another shirt with the DeWalt Tools
logo. She produces a DeWalt drill
and revs it suggestively.
CAVEMAN
He had so much to live for....
He was taking Pilates!
DOG
—rrrr?
The dog takes a sip of Bud.
KLUM
Rex, look out!
The truck is about to slam into a
column of slow-walking Clydesdales.
The dog jams on the brakes.
ROOMMATE #2
The neighbors? What about
the landlord?
SANJAYA FROM “AMERICAN IDOL” bursts
through the door.
SANJAYA
What have you no-goodniks
done to my beautiful garden
apartment?
SFX: Squealing brakes. CLOSE
ON a Bridgestone tire grabbing
heroically at the slick surface.
POP OUT as the truck goes sailing
off the road into space.
A sprinkler in the ceiling goes
off, wetting everyone, especially
Heidi Klum—now wearing a GoDaddy
.com T-shirt—who begins typing on a
laptop suggestively. Captain Morgan
CUT TO a modest urban apartment.
produces a Mojito from within his
tunic and offers it to Sanjaya.
Two average-looking roommates are SANJAYA
slumped on a couch dining on Pizza Oh, well. What the hecks.
Hut PANormous pizzas, KFC boneless
wings, Dunkin’ Donuts, Taco Bell Everyone joins Klum in dancing. The
gorditas, McDonald’s Big Macs, dog looks into the camera, lowers
Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Coke, Diet Coke, his sunglasses, and winks.
Coke Zero, and Dr Pepper. Guy #2 is
talking on a Verizon phone.
ROOMMATE #1
Nothing ever happens here.
DOG
This party is through
the rrr—oof!
The truck CRASHES THROUGH THE WALL. the Robot,
Devastation. Rubble everywhere. The
As the dog starts to dance
million-person mass of the Verizon FADE TO BLACK
network peers through the hole in
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